Enough with the Christmas Carols! It’s only October!
I am not a ‘happy camper’. This blog is being written for the marketing geniuses who have made this consumer quite upset. I’ve had it with you guys and your utter lack of a sense of the appropriate.
Yesterday I was in a large discount store where I frequently shop. Imagine my confusion when ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ started tinkling merrily from the overhead speakers. ‘It’s three days from Halloween’ I thought; ‘Shouldn’t they be pushing the candy? What about the little plastic monsters and ghosts, why weren’t they advertising those in a last-minute frenzy before store managers had to put them on clearance?’
What about Thanksgiving? It’s like November doesn’t even exist on the advertising calendar. I admit it’s hard to think of a catchy little tune celebrating the death of a turkey but sheesh—can’t we finish one holiday before we go on to the next?
I continued shopping, barely aware of the soundtrack that segued from one Christmas carol to another as I collected my bags of orange and black candy, my vampire costume (the unsparkly kind, thanks very much) and a few tombstones and skeletons for the yard.
I rounded a corner and stopped in utter consternation. What I saw was irrelevant to the Halloween holiday taking place this weekend. It was bizarre and completely out of place.
A small forest of artificial pines and firs arose from the linoleum; already decorated and pre-lit with flashing lights and ribbons. Next to them were the lawn ornaments: electric reindeer and snowmen, laden blowup sleighs, elves and Santa figures prancing across polyester snow like a macabre lynch mob. Tim Burton would have been proud to come up with something so twisted.
Are you kidding me?
A store employee saw my appalled expression and stood next to me for a moment. “Yeah, it’s a pain, isn’t it?” she said in a rare moment of retail honesty. At my bemused nod she went on to complain about how their corporate headquarters was ordering the Christmas displays put up earlier every year and how much she hated having to listen to the carols for three months. I felt bad for her—I could leave at any time, but she had to hear it five days a week, eight hours a day. Poor thing, I felt sorry for her. Can you imagine having to listen to Burl Ives drawling on about that freaky snowman over and over again?
As I left the store I began to get angry. I understand this is the main retail season of the year and stores need to make the most of it, but come on! Stop patronizing me, already. I know I have presents to get and decorations to hang but it will wait until after December first. I’m not buying a tree until then, either, no matter what your researchers tell you. Get over it.
While the advertising specialists try to force Christmas to last from Labor Day to Valentine’s, I refuse to bite. I’m going to paint my face and scare the caramel apples out of a bunch of kids this weekend, without an elf in sight. Three weeks later I will roast an unlucky bird and share it with my family while my brothers and nephews watch football and tell hunting stories.
I will keep my holidays in the order they come, and I will ignore your tawdry tinsel until its’ proper time.
The rest of the shopping world can do as it pleases, but I am mounting a one-woman rebellion. I will celebrate my holidays in their proper season, no matter what the commercials demand. Halloween, All Saint’s, Election Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving and their kindred are not forgotten in my house. I will NOT be going anywhere near Black Friday’s sales the next morning, either. Pfft. So there.
Okay, rant over. Find your peace, Friends.